Fairness does not enter into it

This is when you know that things are really not going well: "I just want what is fair".

That is a cry. Sometimes a battle cry, sometimes a sad cry, and always an expression of "I am not ok, this is not ok".

We know this. We know that when someone to insist on fairness, a whole swathe of needs was not heard and acknowledged.

It is the last resort.

That is true in the big.
It is also true in the small.

In our close interactions with people we care about: It is the fixation on fairness that keeps the drama alive.

In a life-affirming connection, fairness does not enter into it.