Learning to have more experiences
As a boy, meeting challenges with force was rewarded and praised. Arrogance got fed and was appreciated. Appearing strong was doted on.
Thus I knew how to do this, and only this, well: Meeting challenges with force, being more arrogant than the next, and appearing strong in every situation.
When that did not go well, I reverted to anger.
Because anger is a way to still act in force, and with arrogance.
Anger splits, divides, and breaks - me. It is easy to make another bad. Wrong. And then attack that with anger.
Much easier than sitting with myself. And painfully expanding the range of experiences I can take in.