If all we know is drama. And drama is how we know that the other is engaged, active, and present: Then violence in our relationships is how we know that we are alive. Noticed. Attended too.
The stories we are told have the underlying structure of persecutor, victim, and the one that keeps the drama alive: The rescuer.
It makes for great entertainment. It teaches us to enjoy that particular brand of violence.
The tragedy is when we take that learning, into how we love each other. Fuelling the drama in every interaction, to get a response from another.
The biting sarcasm.
The "oh I am so sorry".
The "it's fine, you did not mean it".
The unending cycle of "you hurt me, now I'll hurt you". It is how we know we are alive.
There are different ways of being alive. It starts with recognising what truly makes us feel alive.